Could anyone please sum up the Twilight saga?

Hm, okay. Mary-Sue moves to dismal town. Meets gorgeous, mysterious stranger who (obviously) is a vampire! They declare their love after knowing eachother for what? 2 weeks? Maybe 3? The timeline's a bit fuzzy. OK, then their are some random villains that get killed. Edward leaves Bella. Then he comes back. Bella can't decide who she wants to marry - Edward or Jacob? (Oh... isn't THAT familiar, eh?) She eventually picks Edward. They get married and have a demon child. But, seriously. Isn't that the embodiment of a teenage girl's worst nightmare? She's guaranteed certain death at giving birth to her demon child! CONGRATULATIONS! So yes, they have their demon child. Jacob lusts after her. It's all very disgusting and disturbed. There's no battle. The end. Have a nice life, peeps.

Yes, that really is my SUMMARY of the Twilight series... it's not a saga! SERIES.

Twilight
A dull, plotless story that even Stephen King can't stand.
There's the girl.
Bella is an ordinary, dull, clutzy girl who moves to a small, dull, town in Washington. There, she meets the boy.
The boy.
Edward is a dull 'beautiful' guy who glitters in the sunlight and capture's Bella's heart with his obvious hotness (because of course personality doesn't matter). He is a one hundred-year-old virgin.
The plot.
What plot?
The boy and the girl.
Edward's specialty (besides sparkling in the sunlight) is watching teenage girls sleep. Bella, one the other hand, has no specialty. She abandons her friends for Eddie, and she loves him because he's hot.
The author
Stephanie Meyer writes at the level of a sixth grader. She spends her days imagining herself being in Bella's shoes, and daydreams of Edward (no, not Edward Scissorhands, sadly) feeling her up (that would be rather painful with Eddie Scissorhands, but I'm sure Edward Cullen is worse).
Overall
Overall, this story is about a dull Mary Sue, who is madly in love with a dull, sparkling creeper. They defeat the 'bad' guys and live happily ever after. After the credits roll by, Lord Voldemort is seen tearing Edward's limbs apart and burning them, with Bella crying, but then seen making out with Jacob on the side lines.
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Don't flame me, it's just for fun.

bella meets edward. edward leaves. big fight. bella has baby simple and boring

its crap full stop.

Twilight:

-Whiny girl (Bella) complains because she's moving to a place she doesn't want to BY CHOICE for a really stupid reason

-Every guy in school falls in love with her automatically and she is automatically popular without speaking to anybody

-She sees a super hot guy (Edward) across the cafeteria with his super hot family (the Cullens) and decides he is the only one good enough for her

-Weird super hot guy (Edward) in Bio class glares at her the entire time

-Edward is missing from class for a week

-Edward comes back and starts being super nice to her randomly, and she decides she is in love with him

-He stops a car from killing her

-He starts breaking into her room to watch her sleep... after about 2 conversations with her because he's so "in love" with her

-He stalks - I mean, FOLLOWS - her and her friends into town, where she abandons her friends to go to the library

-After the library, she stupidly walks through an alley... in the city... at night... and a bunch of guys decide to rape her. Luckily, Edward, who has been stalking - I mean FOLLOWING - her, comes to the rescue

-He tells her that he's a vampire, and they decide they are eternally in love after having 4 conversations with each other

-Then, for 7/8ths of the book, they talk about how much they love each other, how Edward is oh so hot and oh so perfect, blah blah blah...

-FINALLY, during the last three chapters of the book, there is actually action! Three evil vampires come in and one of them decides he wants to eat Bella!

-Bella flees with two of Edward's family members (Alice and Jasper) to Phoenix, where they hide in a hotel from the evil vampire (James)

-James tells Bella he has her mother, and she stupidly goes and walks into his trap without informing the Cullens that James has her mother (because of course they wouldn't do anything about it, or so Bella thinks *rolls eyes*)

-James lied! (Big shocker there...)

-James tries to kill Bella

-Bella blacks out...

-She wakes up in the hospital and is informed (by Edward) of action that supposedly happened while she was unconscious and that James is dead

-Bella wants to become a vampire, but Edward says no.

New Moon:

-Bella gets a paper cut and Jasper tries to eat her

-Edward dumps her because it's too dangerous, apparently

-Bella goes into a state of abnormal depression for half the book

-A cool kid (Jacob) starts talking to her and she feels better automatically and falls in love with him (does Meyer know the difference between love and lust?)

-Bella finds out doing stupid things lets her heard Edward's voice

-Bella jumps off a cliff to hear Edwards voice (Jacob saves her after turning into a werewolf and completely changing his character into a jerk)

-Alice says she thought Bella died when she saw Bella jump off the cliff (she sees the future) and told Rosalie (another family member) who told Edward who was going all the way to Italy to commit s

ok, this is coming from the piont of view of someone who actaully likes twilight, i undertsnad that there are alot of poeple out there who HATE twilight, but so far, the only comments are from those kind ofpople, so i'll add what the story from a twilighter's piont of view is.

ther is a girl, bella swan, who moves to a small tow called forks, to live with her dad, on the first day there, she meets sees edwards cullen, who is a vampire. aparantly bella smellls really good to him or something, so to stop the temtaiont, he leaves for a while. eventually he comes back, saves her from being run over, and bella fiuhures out that he is a wearwolf, with the help of her friend jacob. bella and edward fall in love(really quickly) and edward acts liek a bit of a stalker(pretty much the oly thing i don't like about him). bella is then hunted down by a bad vampire(sucks human blood, the cullen drink animal blood) and edward tries to protect her. the bad vampire(james) then pretends that he has bella;s mum captive, and therfore, bella comes to rescure her, but it is a trap. at the last minute, edwardcomes to save bella, although james has already bitten bella,(biting humans makes them a vampire), so edward has to suk the venom out so she doesnt become on of them.

in the second one(my least favourite) edward thinks that he is threatening bella by being too close, so he leaves her heartbroken when he and his family leave. bella takes comfort in jacob, her friend who ends up being a werewolf. then the friend of the bad vampire comes to hunt bella down, but the wolves chase him off and kill him. then alice(edwards furute seeing sister) sees bella cliffdiving, not knowing at the time that she was not actully being suicidal, and somehow, edward finds out, so he goes to italy to find a way to kill himself. alice goes back to forks and find out that bella is alive and sees edard trying to kill himeself in the near future, so bella goes to rescue him, an they come back to forks, but with a promise to keep. the kings of the vampire world want bella to be turnded into a vampire so the'ir secret is kept.

in the third book, bella and edward get closer, and a love triengle apperas between bella, edwrd, and jacob. victoria(the bad vampirs girlfrind) appeas and a war happens, then she dies, and bella devotes herslf to edwrad, by accepting his marraige propsal.

inthe 4hth book, there are 3 parts. the 1st part is the honey moon, and when bella fnds out that she is pregnant, part 2 is in jacobs point of view, and is during bella's very short pregnancy, and part 3 is when renesme(bella's baby) is born and bella is turned into a vmpire.

and thats' pretty much it. sorry for all the typos, rreally sleepy..anywayz, that the story. btw, the books are better than the movies.

This should be stunning. A whiny Mary-Sue who I am ashamed to say is the same sex as myself, depends on a pansy Vampire who apparently is either really gay or likes too much makeup. Because what man let alone Vampire Sparkles? Then when she isnt limping around trying for sympathy from the Pansy Vampire, we have the over-grown dog at her. They all evidentally are peeping toms too they sit in Trees all the damn time. - For those doubting I have a heart because I dont like this series. THINK AGAIN. It shows your age when you get so wound up over trivial crap such as this. " If you had a heart," " Hang your head in shame" are you effing kidding me. Hang my head in shame because I dissed twilight? OH HELL NO. This has happened more than once. And you dont see it but this is what the books do to you. Make you all " Omg, they dissed twilight, they have no taste or heart." Think outside the box. Twilight isnt the World. I dont think Harry Potter is the World. That is what annoys outsiders. Twilight is everything to you people. Get a grip.

So, there's this klutzola of a girl, Bella who moves to the rainy, Forks, WA and encounters herself with the gorgeous Edward Cullen. They have their troubles at first, realizing he's a vampire & so on... Then she comes across Jacob Black, the werewolve and he falls head over heals for Bella. Edward then leaves her because "he's protecting her" that way. She goes into self loathing & Jake helps her along the way. Edward comes back, realizing what an idiot he was for leaving and then the bad vamps of the town come and try to summon them, which doesn't work quite well. After a few days of chasing vamps thru Italy, they have a square-off at the Cullen's and of course, Ed wins, beheading Victoria. Then the newborns come into play and Jake gets to "feel up" Bella. A long story within a story, anywayz... Then Bella & Edward get married, run away from a couple of angry vamps and have a half vampire half human baby who Jake imprints on. All in all, it ends happily, like every other story out there.

Yes, this rendition of the Saga seems like I'm not a fan, but trust me I am, I just didn't want to go into all the details. I tried to make it as short as possible, also probably confuzing some people too. :) I've done my job for the day.