Dynasty recap: 'Spit It Out' 

Grant Show, Nathalie Kelley, Elizabeth Gillies

Come, friends! To the Green Room! Let us discuss the deliciously outrageous drama surrounding the Carringtons, the family putting the “nasty” in

. I mean, in the span of five minutes we get a bl– job in a cemetery and a stepmother pushing her stepdaughter into an open grave. This is the stuff that soapy dreams are made of!

The drama picks up almost immediately where the premiere left off. You remember: Cristal had just jauntily walked down the aisle to David Bowie when Claudia pulled up to inform everyone that Matthew, her husband and Cristal’s lover, is dead. And she blames Blake Carrington. Murder Accusations and Screaming Widows is an unconventional wedding theme, but hey, the Carringtons are unconventional people.

Needless to say, the press and the police are all over the Carrington mansion. Blake has the chief of police, Stansfield, on his side before the investigation even begins, but he still wants a private word with his family. They need to band together and do whatever it takes to get the suspicion off of them and save the reputation of the company. It could almost be considered warm and fuzzy if Fallon weren’t baiting Cristal about her dead lover or if Blake weren’t throwing expensive glassware in his daughter’s general direction.

The first step in controlling the narrative is to have their head of PR-turned-COO speak to the press. Unfortunately, that person is Cristal, who is unable to hide her grief. As she makes a statement to the press on behalf of Carrington Atlantic, she learns that Matthew’s death is rumored to be a homicide, and she does not take it well. A person prone to fainting isn’t really who you want making statements to the press, but you live and learn, I guess.

The next morning, Fallon, her breakfast head wrap, and the rest of the Carringtons regroup. This investigation isn’t just going to go away, so they need to be sure to get rid of any trace of Matthew outside of him being an employee at the company. All of them, sans Steven, had motive to want him dead: Blake because Matthew was sleeping with his wife, Cristal because Matthew could ruin the thing she has going on with the Carringtons, and Fallon could’ve wanted an accident at Windbriar to tank the price in order for her and Jeff Colby to snatch it up. Fallon needs to take care of the photo she had taken of Cristal and Matthew meeting before the wedding, and Cristal, well, Cristal has a whole Box of Matthew at her house to tend to.

As Cristal goes home to get rid of all her Matthew Mementos — including the sweater he gave her during their adorable meet-cute and why does Nick Wechsler have to be dead already (OR IS HE)? — she gets paid a visit from everyone’s favorite (except Cristal) butler-slash-henchman, Anders. He’s simply there to make sure Cristal does what she’s supposed to in order to protect the family and make vague yet threatening remarks about having information on Cristal’s past. He succeeds in both. An A+ for Anders!

Cristal is so distraught over losing Matthew (honestly, we only see glimpses of their love story through quick flashbacks, but they are

), she goes to see his field partner, Willy. He, too, is distraught. He tells her that in his final moments, Matthew called out for Cristal. Matthew also wanted her to know that before the accident, Blake was trying to get him out of the picture by reassigning him to a position in China. When Matthew refused to leave the country and instead resigned, he wound up being sent on the Windbriar job. Cristal needs to be careful with the Carringtons.

How bad could Blake really be? Well, while Cristal is sitting at a diner reminiscing about Matthew, Blake is giving Chief Stansfield a new lead to look into: Jeff Colby. He tells Stansfield all about Colby’s interest in purchasing Windbriar, and how a scandal might make the price of the property more advantageous. Since Colby is now partnered with Fallon, he also had access to the truck that went haywire and caused the explosion. Motive and means: that’s something worth looking into. Unfortunately for Blake, when Stansfield finds Colby, he’s meeting with Fallon — she’s come to him for some IT advice on how to completely delete any trace of the photo of Matthew she emailed to her father — and Fallon isn’t pleased. Also, Jeff Colby is looking super hot in some glasses and a velvet blazer, which I actually think Blake would appreciate. Find common ground, you handsome moguls! 

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