Top Ten Reasons Why The Doctor From BBC’s “Doctor Who” Is Better Than Jesus
The Timelord known as The Doctor... and the biblical version of the man known as Jesus... they're both fictional characters that started low-budget but now have terrific production value and have become lucrative businesses, and they are both brilliant nut-jobs with a messiah complex and the power to actuate it according to legends and tales that have inspired generations... but what's the real difference and who is the better savior figure?
1. The Doctor doesn’t care how much you masturbate or engage in premarital consensual sex, and he won’t judge or condemn anyone on the sole basis of them being gay or lesbian or whatever floats their boat as long as it doesn't involve children or other defenseless animals.
2. The Doctor already came back from the dead twelve times, whereas Jesus only did it once and he doesn’t have a magic box that's bigger on the inside that can go anywhere in time and space, despite bragging about how all-powerful his rich dad is all the time.
3. They're both arrogant because they're aware of their own brilliance and they both lie with the best of intentions when they deem it to be necessary, but Jesus actually believes his own lies, whereas the Doctor genuinely believes he is protecting the individuals he lies to on occasion and he never claims to be perfect.
4. Though neither are without fear they're both exceedingly brave and confront oppression and death with courage and conviction, but the bravado of Jesus is at least borderline suicidal and based on faith rather then evidence, whereas the Doctor's is based on logic, evidence, and intellect, so unlike Jesus he has the sense to know when it's time to fight and when it's time to make a run for it... at least most of the time.
5. Unlike Jesus, when the Doctor comes back from the dead he isn't breaking a blood covenant that his entire life's work is founded upon, because simple logic dictates that if you're going to die for everyone's sins then you need to stay dead.
6. If the Doctor saw you getting assaulted by bad guys he would do his best to help you out with a very clever non-violent tactic instead of expecting you to “turn your other cheek” and “bear the suffering in his name” like Jesus would have you do.
7. Neither are any good at apologizing to people they know are about to die, but at least the Doctor goes out of his way to actually prevent people from dying in the first place.
8. The Doctor saves the lives of entire planets full of people on the regular, not to mention trillions of species on Earth and elsewhere every time he saves it again, and doesn’t only care about the righteous among mankind like Jesus, but all innocent life everywhere.
9. Neither one of them ever authored a book directly but they're both frequently quoted, the difference being that the Doctor’s quotes are more useful and relevant in today’s world, and by far more entertaining and interesting.
10. They're both pacifists that ironically can be scary at times when their rage is provoked and they both have a proclivity towards being judgmental despite believing otherwise of themselves, but at least the Doctor can be reasoned with if you are really clever about it and are presenting as a decent person that deserves a second chance, especially if he thinks you're brilliant.