I, for one, absolutely adore Disney. My favourite film is a Disney film. My favourite character is a Disney character. My fanart is always Disney fanart. There is not a part of my house that is free from obsession. So I decided to sit down, think it out and finally stress over putting them all in an order - my top 10 favourite Disney movies. This is going to take some definite kicking and screaming, but whatever.
Yes, I swear. Deal with it, because I'm not going to stop doing it. I don't care if you think it's "wrong" and "limits vocabulary" because that's the biggest piece of fucking bullshit I've ever heard in my life.
On with the countdown!











10) Tarzan

What can I say? I'll aways love Tarzan. Mainly because there's a bunch of British people in it and I'm British and that means something to me.
The first thing I always adored about this film was little clumsy, witty, silly, quintissentially British Jane Porter. Her outfits are nothing compared to some Disney characters, but I think they represent her like no tomorrow. That cute little yellow Victorian dress, and the silly little brolly to accompany it. Then there's the way she's like:
"Well, Daddy, these baboons tried to eat me and I almost died."
"Oh, what a shame."
"AND THEY TOOK MY BOOT!"
"THE ONES I BOUGHT YOU?! THOSE BASTARDS!"
I think I would so totally do that with my Mickey Mouse converse. :') "THE LIMITED EDITION DISNEYLAND PARIS ONES?! THOSE BASTARDS!"
Anyway, moving on, who doesn't love a sexy guy in a loincloth who thinks the best way to greet a lady is to lift up her skirt and then put his face in between her boobs? Ok, so maybe people that have a certain amount of modesty. But it's still goddamn Tarzan. He's epic win in an actual tin. He swings through he trees, he fights... erm... was that a cheater? I think it was. Or was it a leopard? Eh, something with spots. Where was I? Oh yes, he jumps on blackboards yelling "GORILLA!" and that's pretty cool.
ALSO, I absolutely adore Clayton. He's an amazing villain. He's not even that evil until he goes all "MUHAHAHAHAHA!" and then gets very unevil by going "I'M GOING TO... be a typical white guy and just steal all these gorillas in the scheme of becoming very rich." Though, his defeat is amazing. He gets hanged by vines. How cool? I love the fact that both of my Tarzan storybooks INSIST that he merely fell. Yeah, little Timmy Innocence over there might believe you, but I was the fucked-up 6 year old going "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That's not what happened! That's like writing a storybook for The Evil Dead and saying all the zombies turned into butterflies!"






9) Pocahontas

One of my favourites since forever. I was only born in 1994 (which probably makes me older than most of the people reading this, but I feel young. Then again, maybe Bruce Forsyth feels young) so this was one of my first ever Disney films. Hell, I was only a little baby when it came out. It was the first one I had on video. The first one I watched incessantly. In fact, I only stopped watching it loads when I found something better. Yes, it's further on in the countdown, so I'm not going to mention it twice. SUSPENSE, do you want some or not?
Anyway, Pocahontas. First off, it's based on history. That's rather epic win seeing as I'm a self-confessed history geek. Secondly, John Smith is just about the sexiest British guy prior to Tom Felton turning up in the Prisoner of Azkaban and everyone going "When the fuck did he get so goddamn hot?". Thirdly, Wiggins. <3 He does not need explanation. Then, of course, there's Pocahontas herself. Sexy amazing little Pocahontas with her long legs and her tiny outfit and her amazing hair and her epic win singing voice and her personality.
I don't think it's possible to sum up this movie in just one small "I LOVE IT!" explanation. So I'm going to spare you that and move on.






8) The Emperor's New Groove

I fucking love this film. It's so funny, I almost die every time I watch it. Kuzco is actual love and Yzma and Kronk... Jesus. Was Disney suffering from a douse of "LET'S BE EPIC WIN!" millenium mania? The only way this film could have been better was if Clopin was in it. But really, we can't have everything. Also, I don't think he was born yet... And I doubt he had the means to travel from Paris to... erm... south America somewhere. Peru! Everything's in Peru, let's have Peru. Wait, isn't that what the Spanish said?






7) Aladdin

This film is more epic win than, well, anything except the things above it. I love the story, the songs (except for A Whole New World), the characters, the witty lines... AND FUCKING ROBIN WILLIAMS. Jesus Christ. Any film with Robin Williams in it is insta-epic win. Like instant coffee but minus the coffee and plus the epic win. Aside from that, it also has one of the catchiest theme tunes ever. I used to watch the TV show constantly and then jump up on the sofa and go "ARABIAN NIIIIIIIGHTS. LIKE ARABIAN DAAAAAAAAAAYS!". I was the same with Timon and Pumba. I used to sit there and sing the whole theme tune. Long gone are the days when Disney actually knew how to make a decent TV show - just spin off a successful movie or show something epic win like Recess. I MOURN YOU, RECESS. I still have all the videos. *stroke* One day, we will all destroy filth like *shudder* Hannah Montana.
Oh, I appear to have let myself get distracted... Let's move on.






6) Aladdin and The King of Thieves

"A SEQUEL?!"
"Oh no, she didn't!"
"She put a SEQUEL in here?!"
Yes, I did. I have ALWAYS prefered King of Thieves to Aladdin. Ever since I was a little girl dressed as Batman and running around declaring that I was to destroy the Joker with all my might. I don't care what you say. Batman and Robin is one of my favourite ever ever EVER films. I wore the tape out twice. I wore the tape out for King of Thieves once. I never wear the tapes out except when I love a film so much that I can't stop watching it.
For me, Aladdin will never be the story of street rat meets princess. It will always be the story of former street rat whose dad is actually the King of Thieves gets his wedding crashed twice, accidentally joins the Forty Thieves, sings some epic win songs, turns a villain to gold and marries the badly animated princess. Whilst accompanied by Robin Williams. You see, this sequel got it right: Pretend Return of Jafar NEVER happened. The only thing to keep is good Iago, because he's amazing.






5) Basil The Great Mouse Detective

Stfu, that's what we call it over here, that's what I'm going to call it. Also, it's "The Lion King 3: Hakuna Matata" not The Lion King 1 1/2. That just sounds retarded.
Anyway, yes. One of the best films ever. WHY DOES NOBODY ELSE LOVE IT? Basil is one of my favourite Disney characters. He's British (I sense a theme here) and strangely sexy for a detective mouse. Watson is funny and amazing, Olivia is so snappy and Scottish. She makes me lol. When I first saw Amy Pond (of Doctor Who) my original reaction was "How very Flaversham!". Also, there's Rattigan. One of the best villains ever. One of the best villain songs ever. "Even meaner? You mean it? Even worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?" is like, the most epic win line ever. This film is so underrated, it hurts.






4) Mulan

This film, for me, will always be my gateway to Disney. I was 4 when it came out and I'd seen all the Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Snow White, etc films (this was after I'd shunned Beauty and The Beast)... Very girly and princessy and sweet. Not exactly my cup of tea. Then one day, the world of Disney exploded and went "HEY! Here's a film we blatantly aimed towards boys to get them more interested in Disney!" and I was hooked. Who can't love a film about war and fireworks and China? Whoever decided Mulan needed a dragon-lizard-thing to accompany her with the voice of Eddie Murphy really needs to get that "I'm so epic win that Chuck Norris knows my name!" medal.
As if that's not enough, Disney then decided to give Mulan 4 songs that completely kick most other films out of the water. As Nostalgia Chick once said... you can't resist singing along. You never forget the first time you hear I'll Make A Man Out Of You and start singing along like the crazy fool that you are even though you don't know the words.






3) The Princess and The Frog

I neeeeeeeeed to get this on DVD. No debating required. I need it. I need it right now. This film is actually epic win. Disney, you just... You just completely epic winned. Welcome back 2D animation!
First off, there's the characters. Naveen for one. "DANCE WITH ME, FAT MAN!" is one of the best lines ever. Me and my rl friends always smirk and then say it to each other. HIS VOICE. Heebies bajeebies, it's sexy. He could be short and fat and ugly and that voice would still make him sexy as hell. Then there's Tiana. I love Tiana! AND CHARLOTTE. OH GOD, CHARLOTTE. I love Charlotte SO much. She's funny and silly and crazy and pink and spoilt and rich. There's nothing undesirable about her in the slightest. I absolutely adore the pants off her. THEN THERE'S DOCTOR FACILIER. Tied for best ever Disney villain with Frollo. I love him. Second best ever Disney villain song. Easily the best dressed Disney villain. His voice is rather sexy too. I don't think there's anything about this film that I don't love but there are still two better than it.






2) Hercules

I love this film. I love Megara, I love Hercules, I love Hades, I love Phil, I love the Muses, I love the songs... I JUST LOVE IT. I Won't Say (I'm In Love) is still my favourite Disney song and Meg is easily the second best woman Disney has ever created, after the obvious.
The witty one-liners are hilarious, the songs are amazing, the animation is lifting-the-roof epic. It's inspired by that amazing Greek artwork on the original vases. Just, wow. It really works. Then there's Hades. Hades is just... He's just Hades. He's blue and has fire for freakin' hair! How cool is that? He's such a sleazebag that you have to love him.
However, none of these awesome things could ever beat my favourite film ever. It shouldn't be a surprise because it's none other than...






1) The Hunchback of Notre Dame

I GODDAMN LOVE EVERY SINGLE FRAME OF THIS FILM. Every second is a joy to watch. Every character has a unique personality and image that attracts viewers of all demographics. Plus, it's got Clopin. CLOPIN, YES. Mr Epic Win in a Tin himself. This film is just... wow. As if Clopin wasn't enough, Disney then decided that they'd chuck in the most epic win stuff they could find. There's Esmeralda, Phoebus, Frollo, Quasimodo. Plus, it's dark and gritty. This is how a kid's film should be - dark enough so that a kid isn't softened up to the outside world, but light enough so that they still walk away with a huge grin on their face. Adults can sit there and have a bit of fun with it too. In particular, some of the humour is quite adult, as are some of the themes. Which is probably why I love it so much. Hellfire will always be my favourite Disney villain song and the rest of the songs in this film are epic win anyway. None of them are boring and they really want to make you sing along and be a part of the magic. And after all, isn't that what Disney is all about?






That's your lot, be happy with it.

Here's a pretty picture of my RE folder to look at when you've finished reading.