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posted by Mrbiskit
Note: Alice in Wonderland is not created and owned by me. This is a story for this website and Fanfiction.net.

Alice saw Tarrant dressed as a lifeguard and said "Hi Tarrant. What's going on?"

Tarrant said "I'm working on a experiment involving hats."

Alice said "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Tarrant said "I'm used to hearing that. I'm trying to make hats that can float in water which is why I'm going to be a lifeguard today."

Alice said "I didn't know that there was a pool nearby."

Tarrant said "It's been around since 1865. I have an idea."

Alice said "What?"

Tarrant said "You should swim in the pool wearing 1 of my new hats to find out if the hats can float."

Alice said "Okay, but I'll need a swimsuit."

Tarrant said "Luckily swimsuits are on sale. Buy 9, get 1 free."

Alice said "That's not a very good sale."

Tarrant said "Well it seemed like a good sale to me which is why I bought 10 swimsuits." Tarrant handed a light blue swimsuit to Alice. Tarrant said "When you're ready we will test out my floating hats."

Alice and Tarrant went to the swimming pool. Tarrant said "Hello. I'm Tarrant. I'm your lifeguard today. Please don't drown."

Alice said "I got on this pink floating hat."

Tarrant said "Lovely. Please go into the swimming pool and find out if the hat will float."

Alice said "Yes sir."

The Dormouse said "The white rabbit is drowning."

Tarrant said "Rabbit please stop drowning."

The white rabbit said "Okay." The white rabbit stopped drowning.

Alice was in the pool. She said "The hat is floating."

Tarrant did a victory dance. He said "That's wonderful."

Alice said "Is there anything else that I should do?"

Tarrant said "Yes. Wear 2 floating hats at the same time."

Alice said "Um okay."

Tarrant said "Great. It's working. 2 hats can float even while on top of each other."

Alice said "How cool."

Tarrant said "But I know to things even cooler." Tarrant put 48 more hats on Alice's head. Tarrant said "Are they floating?" 50 hats weighed so much that Alice started to drown.

Alice said "Oh no."

Tarrant said "Where's the lifeguard?"

The Dormouse said "You're the lifeguard."

Tarrant said "Really? This isn't good."

The March Hare said "You better get her out of the pool."

Tarrant said "I don't see her, because the pool is full of hats."

Tarrant jumped into the pool. He said "I'll feel around to find Alice. That feels like her. I need to pull harder." Tarrant pulled hard and threw something out of the pool. He said "I think I got her. She weighs less than I expected."

Alice said "Tarrant you saved a couple of hats, not me."

Tarrant said "Oh. I'll try again."

Alice said "I'm here. Please save me."

Tarrant pulled and said "There's no need to fear, the hatter is here."

Alice "Please pull harder." Alice heard some tearing sounds.

Tarrant threw Alice out of the pool. Tarrant grabbed the floating hats. Tarrant said "Some of my hats got torn. How sad. Also someone's light blue swimsuit got ripped apart." Alice's swimsuit was destroyed. Alice was bare so she ran to the changing room. Tarrant said "Where is Alice?"

Bare Alice used her arms to cover herself up. However she accidentally ran to the male changing room. The Cheshire Cat said "Wrong room."

Alice said "I'm sorry." Alice ran to the female changing room.

A few minutes later Alice returned wearing her Chinese dress. Tarrant said "I'm sorry that you almost drowned Alice. I'm a terrible lifeguard."

Alice said "That's true, but you're the most wonderful friend ever."

Tarrant said "And you are the most wonderful time traveler ever. You're even better than Christopher Lloyd. By the way do you feel alright? Do you need CPR?"

Alice said "No."

Tarrant said "Great, because I don't know how to do CPR."

Alice said "How were you allowed to be a lifeguard?"

Tarrant said "I pretended to know what I was talking about."
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posted by Pyjamarama
Aladdin-PEDDLER: Oh I come from a land
From a faraway place
Where the caravan camels roam
Where they cut off your ear /Where it's flat and immense
If they don't like your face /And the heat is intense
It's barbaric, but hey--it's home!
When the wind's at your back
And the sun's from the west
And the sand in the glass is right
Come on down,
Stop on by
Hop a carpet and fly
To another Arabian night!

Arabian nights
Like Arabian days
More often than not
Are hotter than hot
In a lot of good ways

Arabian nights
'Neath Arabian moons
A fool off his guard
Could fall and fall hard
Out there on the dunes....
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