If you are reading this letter then you have doubtless been accepted into the select band of professional wizards known as the Death Eaters. If by some unprecedented chance you are reading this and you have not been accepted into the Death Eaters then I suggest you put down this letter and leave now, or the consequences for you will be as terrible as my lifelong study into the Dark Arts can make them.
Please find enclosed a short introductory guide to Death Eating, which you must memorize and then eat,...
*To the tune of "Dangerous and Moving, By t.A.T.u.. If you don't know that song, here's a link: link*
Anyways, Dangerous and Moving, Death Eater style!
We'll take over the world today,
And never give it back,
And this is what the Order members say,
Our lives are evil and black
And this is how we move
And this is how we sway
Danger is the truth
We fell and rose again!
Exclusive interview with notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange
Here I am, sitting in the private dungeon of the notorious Bellatrix Lestrange, most feared follower of the Dark Lord, and having a completely normal interview. Read on to see if there’s more to Bellatrix than just madness and a nasty reputation!
I didn't write this, I just thought it was really funny.
1. "What did I ever do to y..oh, nevermind."
2. "Oh, ha ha, you got me!! Am I on Punk'd? Where's the camera guy, huh? Where!?"
3. "Wow, you're even dumber than you look, and that's saying something. What kind of idiot tells their victim what they're about to do?! I'm ready for you now!!" *Prepare yourself by getting into various Matrix positions, beckon him with one finger*
A handy-dandy Wikihow article on how to make a horcrux, for all you aspiring Dark witches and wizards out there!
1. Become an extremely powerful witch or wizard. This will take years of study and sacrifice which lie beyond the scope of a WikiHow article. As a general guide you should not attempt to create a horcrux until you can cast non-verbal killing curses.
2. Locate an object of extreme significance to you. An emotional attachment to the object will aid the process and make it easier on your body and soul.