In my room, sobbing and sobbing out my inner sadness. How dare he say that! He was about to become my first true love. Oh well. I guess he cannot be. I cannot love someone that is always positive. I cannot. I would be a hypocrite, and I hate hypocrites. They make me so angry. After my sadness had departed from my emotions, I went back in there to watch Criss again. I was thinking about him. There's this gravitational pull between us that I can't leave. I really want him. Yet, I hate him. I can't explain myself why. It's hard for me to comprehend reality, illusion, imagination, or television. Even my own thoughts confuse me sometimes. Yeah, I'm that kind of person. I was marveled by the illusions he was doing, but Susan looked at me funny and said,"Hey, I thought you hated Criss. Why are you back in here?" "I dunno. I think I'm in love with him, yet a glimmer of passionate white hot hatred hides behind the love." "You're weird, kiddo." "Hey, weird is eerie, eerie is a canal, a canal is water, water is nature, and nature is beautiful. Thank you so much for the comment Sue!" "I think you've been in that straight-jacket for too long sweetheart." Ignoring Susan's ignorance, I stared at Criss is amazement, beauty, love, and slight hate. Why did I love and hate him all at once? Why? Why? This is so confusing to me. As I was thinking of this, Sadie walked into the t.v room and announced,"Girls, listen up. Criss Angel, the Mindfreak, will be volunteering to perform illusions for us on Saturday! So be on your best behavior and no extreme flirting or sneaking your tongues in his mouth! Sue, I hope you don't do that to him like you did to David Blaine when he came over here to perform two years ago. He refused to come back ever since then!" Sue smirked and said,"Ha, he can't take a real woman, even if it hit him on the tongue. Oh wait, it did! Hahahahaha!" "Hahaha, all of you be on your best behavior!" Oh, yes. My love! My enemy! My truest love and enemy will be here. My heart beats for love, yet my eyes get hot and angry. These feelings I cannot understand.

Later that night before bed, I stayed up a little longer, thinking of my love dressed in black with his dark beautiful hair to his shoulders.