"I ran. I think I made it through three counties before I realized nobody was chasing me"

"Gee, Xander, what are you gonna teach when you fail in life? Advanced loser-being?"

"Buffy - love the hair. It just screams street urchin."

"Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass."

"Damn it, Xander, what's going on? Who died and made you Elvis?"

"I aspire to help my fellow man.'Check. As long as he's not smelly, dirty or something gross"

"It was a nightmare, a total nightmare. I mean, they promised me they'd take me to St. Croix, and then they just decide to go to Tuscany. Art and buildings? I was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one has suffered like I have suffered. Of course, I think that that kind of adversity builds character. Well, then I thought, 'I already have a lot of character.' Is it possible to have too much character?"

"So can I go now? She doesn't need this many stakes. I mean, if this guy Spike is as mean as you all said, it should be over pretty quickly."

"We're still all rooting for you on Saturday. I'd be there for you myself if I didn't have a leg wax"

"Buffy, these men are rich, and I am not being shallow. Think of all the poor people I could help with all my money."

"Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer"

"Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind, like a Care Bear with fangs?"

"I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed"

"Whatever. They were cranky. So they're like, 'Let's lose some heads!' Ugh, that's fair. And, eh, Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna' let them have cake."

"I aspire to help my fellow man.' Check. As long as he's not smelly, dirty, or something gross."

"And what if she is, exactly? What are you gonna' do about it? In case you haven't noticed, you're the lameness and she's the super chick or whatever."

"I know, you were too busy rushing off to die for your beloved Buffy. You'd never die for me"

"This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his side, the Slayer's a basket case, I'd say we've hit bottom"

"We didn't come here to talk about Willow. We came here to do things... I can never tell my father about because he still thinks I'm a...good girl"

"Look around. We're in my daddy's car. It's just the two of us. There is a beautiful, big, full moon outside tonight. It doesn't get more romantic than this. So shut up!"

"And keep your mom-aged mitts off my boyfriend. Former!"

"You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does, just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are, 'cause I'm not a sheep. I do what I want to do, and I wear what I want to wear, and you know what? I date whoever the hell I want to date. No matter how lame he is."

"Why doesn't he just slit her throat, or strangle her while she's sleeping, or cut her heart out? What? I'm trying to help"

"Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for looking at her butt. You know, sort of a pun."

"Gee, Xander, and what are you gonna' to teach when you fail in life? Advanced loser being?"