You can read part one... link

Or, alternatively, you can listen to it, read by our very own link..... link

All characters are property of Mutant Enemy Productions & Joss Whedon.
This takes place in an alternate season 5 timeline.
Shout out to Katie and Cat for giving me feedback, and thanks again to Katie for making a Common Enemies wallpaper, which is totally awesome. (It's at the bottom of the page.)
PREVIOUSLY:
Dracula was getting all annoyed because he didn't know what to do. He decided to call link, of link, to ask for a crystal called "The Nitromian Crystal". Tara was worried that the Scoobies could get hurt when fighting The Big D. Buffy says not to worry. Giles agrees with Tara. Clem runs to Spike's place, and nearly burns him to death. He tells Spike that Drac's in town. Drac owes Spike 11 pounds. Spike thinks the Crystal's a myth. Drac is out to kill
the one and only link, and the Buffster.

SUNNYDALE, CALIFORNIA
SPIKE'S CRYPT
"So what!?" Spike said.
"I-I thought you would want to do something about it.." said Clem, obviously scared.
"Get out Clem, Passions is on! I wanna find out what happens to Timmy today! He got trapped in a well at the end of the last episode." said Spike, only half listening, because Timmy's twin brother Jimmy had just gone down the well to save him.
"Spike, the Gem of Amara was a myth, right?" said Clem, his ears turning red with excitement.
"Point taken. What happened last time isn't gonna happen again. Just because he got the crystal, which isn't me saying that he even did get the crystal, he couldn't use it to take over Sunnydale again. That was over 60 years ago!"

GILES'S HOUSE
Anya opened the plain, off-white door of Giles's house. If she had a door like that, she would have killed herself. It was old, and ugly, and.. ugh. In the house it was oddly still, as if someone had tidied up the place, just before they had massacred everyone in the house. "Anya! Nothing like that is ever going to happen. Xander can take care of himself." she thought to herself. "What if..." she felt her heart sink, "Milo, the leader of the evil bunny tribe of west California has ordered all his tiny, fuzzy, disgusting minions to kidnap Xander and Buffy and Willow and Giles and Tara?!" she thought, scared. Suddenly there was a thump on the stairs. She creeped towards the suddenly daunting stairway. More thumps. Something large came out of the small library Giles kept for magic books. "Don't come a step closer, you evil- Oh, Giles!" she said, turning red.
"What was that, Anya?" he said, confused.
"Nothing!"
Willow and Buffy walked down the stairs, quietly chatting.
"Buffy, do you need me to do any spells to help you with anything?" Willow said.
"Nah, me and Xander will be okay."
"Xander!? Why does he get to go and not me?" said Willow.
"He really knows a lot about The Dark Prin- Dracula, for some reason." said Buffy, blushing.
"Can I come?! I know all about Dracula! Like, I know that he has three pet kittens called Veronica, Mac, and Logan-" piped Anya.
"That's great Anya, it's just-" said Buffy.
"Fine, I won't come.." said Anya disappointed.
"Actually, I was gonna say we don't have three axes, but then I remembered the Egyptian one I got last Christmas. Remember how we accidentally sliced that Flegraffar demon in two?" she said, giggling.
"Really!? Great!" shouted Anya, excited.
"Anya, Anya, remember how we talked about shouting in someone's ear?" said Xander, annoyed.
"Yes..."
"Wait, so Anya's allowed to come?! I'm way better at stuff than Anya! I can do magic! Can she do magic? No, she can't. No offense Anya." said Willow.
"None taken."
"It's just, I'm afraid that you guys will get hurt. Giles, is there any way for you, to like, call in reinforcements, or something?" said Buffy.
"Yes, I'll call in Torchwood right away." said Giles, absent mindedly polishing his glasses. Anya didn't know how they hadn't been over-polished already.
"What's Torchwood?" said Willow, confused.
"Torchwood. Outside the government, beyond the police. Tracking down alien life on earth - A secret organization founded in Scotland by Queen Victoria in 1879, after she was bitten by a werewolf at her mansion- named Torchwood House. Members Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, and Ianto Jones, sworn defenders of the Earth. Occasionally assisted by UNIT officer Dr. Martha Jones, Torchwood are a force to be reckoned with." said Anya passionately, "Plus, Jack has this really cool sonic gun. I met Jack once. It was back in... let's see... 1427, approximately-"
"Approximately?" said Buffy.
"Time wasn't measured as accurately back then. So, where was I. Oh yeah! The June of 1427, Cardiff, Wales. I was helping this girl who's boyfriend had tried to kill her brother. Funny story, actually, so, I put a Refallo demon in his pillow, and-"
"The point?" said Buffy.
"Oh yeah, Jack. He was looking for some guy named like, 'Doctor' or something, and we-"
"That's enough. So, who's up for some Vamp staking fun?" said Xander.
"If Jack is coming, I'd rather stay here."
"I was kidding Anya." said Giles, still polishing his glasses.

AFTER THE VAMP STAKING FUN, THE FORTRESS OF THE DARK PRINCE OF THE BEINGS OF THE NIGHT
"Anya, wait here for a second while we check if the coast is clear," Buffy whispered as she and Xander walked towards the end of the corridor.
When they opened the doors, a cold voice greeted them.
"I've been waiting for you." said Dracula.
"Master..." said Xander, as he and Buffy knelt down.

Meanwhile, Anya was standing in the darkly lit hallway, thinking about life, and Xander, and money, and Jack.
After a few minutes of waiting, Anya, who was extremely impatient decided to see what was going on in there.
She stormed through the doorway.
"Anyanka." said the velvety voice of Dracula.
"Long time no see. Oh, and it's Anya now." she said, calmly, looking around his decadent castle. "Where are Xander and Buffy?"
"You know them? Interesting. You seem to be adapting to humanity well. Which is odd, seeing as you seemed so, what's the term, 'anti - human', last time we met. So, Anya's a nice name. It sounds French."
"I don't think it is, but I think my middle name is; Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins. Anyway just tell me where Xander and Buffy are!"
"They're... doing a favor for me."
"What?! I'm leaving."
"We haven't had enough time to catch up.." he said, pushing his dark hair out of his eyes. He snapped his fingers, and blood red ropes came out of nowhere, binding her to the spot. She looked down and realized- the ropes were stained with blood.
"You know, it's been a long time since I've talked with a demon. Or, ex-demon, as it may be."
"Jeez, what happened to you, Dracula? You never used to be so.... boring. You've just been ranting, It's like, bla bla bla bla, it never stops! I mean, come on! You're DRA-C-ULA! The Big D! The Prince of Darkness, etc. etc. etc. - you used to be fun!" she said, slowly trying to slip her hands out of the ropes behind her back. "You should go to a party or something. It looks like you haven't been out of the house in like, a year. I can take you to this place, The Bronze, if you like."
"I would love to."

"So, how are Veronica, Logan and, Mac?" Anya asked.
"Mac had kittens. There's still a couple left if you want."
"Tell me, do they eat bunnies?"
They walked out the door of his castle, Dracula's silk cloak billowing in the wind.

LOS ANGELES
ANGEL INVESTIGATIONS
Buffy and Xander walked into the dark office. They speedily walked to the door of Angel's office. They were surprised when they opened the door to see Angel - locked in a tight embrace with Cordelia. They broke apart, surprised.
"Buffy! Xander!" said Cordelia, surprised. "How's Sunnydale?"
"Angel." said Buffy and Xander simultaneously.
"Buffy. Xander. It's good to see you both," he said, looking broodier than usual.
"Yeah! You guys showed up... unexpectedly. Come on, I'll make some coffee, we can talk," said Cordelia.
"Angel." they said again.
"They seem to be very eager to talk to you."
Buffy took a knife out of her inside jacket pocket.
"Or, you know, kill you." said Cordelia.