It's not so bad when I'm alone, the constant buzzing. The voices dim to a faint hum in the background. If I'm alone in the building, I can almost taste the silence that resides just out of my grasp.
Sweet, blessed silence. I haven't heard it for years now, not since Dad died, and I'm pretty sure I'd give anything just to hear it again. Anything, anyone -- just tell where to deposit them, God, and they're all yours. Just give me silence again.
It all starterpd four years ago, when my dad died in that freak accident. I was 13 then, and didn't quite get it. One day Dad was there and my head was empty; then boom, a crash, an explosion, and both of these realities were turned on their heads. Dad was gone and my head was full of strange things.
Of course, it took me a while to figure out what I was hearing. I thought I'd gone mad at first -- my head was constantly full of financial worries, mental rants, sexual fantasies... anything and everything that may go through a person's head at any given moment of any given day.
I got headaches. I woke up screaming in the night; I couldn't concentrate by day. I got carted to doctors, to psychologists, to psychiatrists. I spent some time in a mental ward, but as I was otherwise perfectly sane, no one saw any point in keeping me there for long.
Finally, I realised what it was I was hearing.
Not once did I think, awesome! I can hear people's thoughts! Since day one it's always been abut getting rid of them. I've researched it online, done all the exorcism rituals and other things I could find, but nothing's worked. If anything, sometimes it feels like my "range" has grown. If anything. Whatever I do, I can't get rid of them.
I don't really live any more as opposed to just exist, staying away from people as much as possible. I've lost all contact with the people who used to be my friends; the only contact I have to the outside world is when Mum brings me food. I don't really live, so I figure dying won't be such a big change. I've already ordered the pills from the online pharmacy and everything. Mum won't be home when the mailman comes.
Now all I have to do is wait.
I'll be free soon.
In silence.
Sweet, blessed silence. I haven't heard it for years now, not since Dad died, and I'm pretty sure I'd give anything just to hear it again. Anything, anyone -- just tell where to deposit them, God, and they're all yours. Just give me silence again.
It all starterpd four years ago, when my dad died in that freak accident. I was 13 then, and didn't quite get it. One day Dad was there and my head was empty; then boom, a crash, an explosion, and both of these realities were turned on their heads. Dad was gone and my head was full of strange things.
Of course, it took me a while to figure out what I was hearing. I thought I'd gone mad at first -- my head was constantly full of financial worries, mental rants, sexual fantasies... anything and everything that may go through a person's head at any given moment of any given day.
I got headaches. I woke up screaming in the night; I couldn't concentrate by day. I got carted to doctors, to psychologists, to psychiatrists. I spent some time in a mental ward, but as I was otherwise perfectly sane, no one saw any point in keeping me there for long.
Finally, I realised what it was I was hearing.
Not once did I think, awesome! I can hear people's thoughts! Since day one it's always been abut getting rid of them. I've researched it online, done all the exorcism rituals and other things I could find, but nothing's worked. If anything, sometimes it feels like my "range" has grown. If anything. Whatever I do, I can't get rid of them.
I don't really live any more as opposed to just exist, staying away from people as much as possible. I've lost all contact with the people who used to be my friends; the only contact I have to the outside world is when Mum brings me food. I don't really live, so I figure dying won't be such a big change. I've already ordered the pills from the online pharmacy and everything. Mum won't be home when the mailman comes.
Now all I have to do is wait.
I'll be free soon.
In silence.
