on The Vampire Diaries (So Far)
Damon Salvatore (Ian Somerhalder) may be the snark king of Mystic Falls, but angsty Alaric (Matt Davis) gets in a few deadpan zings every now and then, too. Here’s some history that bears repeating: our favorite Alaric quotes from The Vampire Diaries so far.
That’s some permanent record
Alaric (to Jeremy): You know that your old teacher had a jackass file? No joke. It's, uh, typed on a label. It has all the troublemakers in it. But really, it's just an opus to you.
Season 1, Episode 9, “History Repeating”
Note how he casually mentions “porn” in this student-teacher conference
Alaric (to Jeremy): A first-person account of the Civil War? That’s like porn for a history teacher.
Season 1, Episode 12, “Unpleasantville”
Eh, it’s not like many of his students will live to see graduation anyway
Damon: Behold the teacher. Don't you have some papers to grade?
Alaric: It's, uh, more fun with a buzz.
Season 1, Episode 15, “A Few Good Men”
And on the weekend? He does needlepoint
Damon: Teacher by day, vampire hunter by night.
Alaric: I have you to thank for that.
Season 1, Episode 17, “Let the Right One In”
Don’t stand so close to me
Alaric (to Elena): Chunky Monkey? Well… I’m naked, so I’m gonna go.
Season 2, Episode 10, “The Sacrifice”
You don’t want to see him on a bad hair day
Alaric: Yeah, Elijah’s one scary dude. But with nice hair.
Season 2, Episode 14, “Crying Wolf”
Dysfunctional
Alaric: I’m sorry. You’ve reached somebody who’s currently not operating.
Season 2, Episode 22, “As I Lay Dying”
That’s one way to make couch surfing seem appealing
Alaric (to Elena): And sleep in your dead parents’ room or my dead girlfriend’s room? No.
Season 3, Episode 1, “The Birthday”
Don’t expect Alaric Saltzman’s Daycare to open anytime soon
Alaric: I’m every parent’s worst nightmare. I’m the chaperone teacher from hell.
Season 3, Episode 1, “The Birthday”
