Pein and Konan were standing next to each other as Pein handed her a piece of paper. “Your mission is to examine the village’s security around the perimeter,” He explained.
“This mission will take a few hours,” Konan replied, “Want to get me away from the base for a little while?” Konan winked at Pein, but he only looked mildly confused.
“You have lived in the rain village all your life,” Pein said, “It makes sense that you examine the layout of the land.”
“That is true. How convenient that such a mission would occur today of all days,” Konan said as she left, still smiling brightly at Pein.
Pein stood there as Zetsu emerged from the ground next to him. Pein asked, “You have any idea what she is so happy about?”
Zetsu explained, “She thinks you are planning a special surprise for her because today is the anniversary of when you became a couple.”
Pein’s eyes went wide. He remembered the last time he forgot their anniversary and Konan responded by making him eat origami dinners for a week while she had real food. Pein grabbed Zetsu in mid-panic and said, “I can’t have paper cuts on the inside of my stomach again Zetsu. We got to throw something together.” They rushed into the base to gather the other Akatsuki members.
With all the members lined up, Pein explained what they needed to do. “You are all going to help me have a romantic dinner date with Konan. Sasori and Deidara are the artistic ones so they will handle the atmosphere of the date. Itachi and Kisame will help me pick out a present for Konan. Kakuzu and Hidan will handle the cooking; mainly because I don’t want to listen to Kakuzu complain about spending money on a present. Zetsu will be on the lookout in case Konan comes back,” Pein gasped, out of breath.
“Cooking is for bitches,” Hidan complained, “Besides I’m not going to f****** stress out because you’re an ass of a boyfriend.”
Pein grabbed Hidan’s neck and explained, “If any of you don’t help or screw up; I will ‘Shinra Tensei’ you so hard you will end up nothing more than a bloody speck on the face of the moon!” Pein pushed Hidan back and shouted, “Now get to work!” The Akatsuki members scattered in various directions to complete their tasks.
In the dining room, Deidara completed a small clay sculpture of Pein and Konan holding hands as children. “You see Sasori my man. Love, like art, is an explosion of powerful feelings meant to last only for a moment un,” Deidara explained, “So what better representation of Pein and Konan’s love than a temporary sculpture reflecting on a loving moment un?”
“Don’t be ridiculous brat,” Sasori said as Deidara scowled at him. “Love, like art, is an eternal beauty representing the permanent connection between the two beings,” Sasori explains, “This is why my contribution will be one of my puppets playing Pein and Konan’s special song on the violin.”
“Oh please,” Deidara shot back, “Both my art and contribution to the atmosphere are far superior to yours un. Mine is a beautiful sculpture, whereas your contribution is one of your disgusting corpse puppets.”
“Foolish brat. By playing their special song with one of my eternal creations I am symbolizing their eternal love for one another both through the song and the puppet,” Sasori replies, “Your creation is a sculpture of them as children that will eventually blow up. You are essentially saying that their love is a childish crush doomed to explode. Of course I shouldn’t expect much understanding of symbolism from someone who is not a true artist.”
Furious, Deidara grabs more clay from his pouches and begins to create more sculptures as Sasori summons more puppets with instruments.
Meanwhile, Kakuzu and Hidan enter the kitchen to begin preparing the dinner. Kakuzu opens the fridge and pulls out a gallon of milk and a box of cereal from a cabinet. “What the f*** are you making cereal for?” Hidan asked.
Kakuzu replies, “I’m making their romantic dinner. It is the cheapest and easiest thing.”
Hidan shouted, “Cheap and easy isn’t romantic you s***head.”
“Every teenage boy in the world would disagree with you,” Kakuzu replied.
“Well we aren’t cooking for f****** teenagers,” Hidan yelled, “Find something romantic to make you piece of stitched up ragdoll s***.
Kakuzu grumbled and looked inside the fridge and pulled out two steaks. “I guess we will make these expensive things,” Kakuzu said reluctantly.
Hidan gasped and took the steaks out of Kakuzu’s hands. “We can’t feed them these,” Hidan explains, “They are not kosher. The cow has to be sacrificed to Jashin in a purification ritual.”
“Those steaks cost good money,” Kakuzu said, “Pein and Konan aren’t even Jashinists so just hand them over.”
Hidan grabs his scythe and responds, “Look. I can go out and find a damned cow to sacrifice. It’s not f****** difficult.”
Kakuzu was about to argue, but then thought for a moment. If Hidan found a cow and killed it they could make steaks from it for free. He could then return the expensive steaks without Pein knowing and pocket the refund for himself. “Good idea Hidan,” Kakuzu replied deviously, “We wouldn’t want an unholy meal for our good friends.”
Hidan looked stunned and then smiled. He replied, “Thanks Kakuzu. You’re not as much of d*** as I always say you are.” They then left the base to find a cow.
Meanwhile, Kisame, Itachi, and Pein wandered through the market place trying to find a good gift for Konan. “What do you guys think I should get her?” Pein asked, nervously looking from item to item.
“How about getting her some paper bombs? She would get some good use from them and they work well her fighting style involving paper,” Itachi suggested.
Kisame replied, “Gifts for special occasions like this should be about enjoyment Itachi, and showing that you care.”
“Defeating an adversary is quite enjoyable,” Itachi replies, “Helping her to not get killed by an opponent also shows he cares.”
Pein grabbed a blue dress. “She likes the color blue,” Pein said, “Do you think she would enjoy wearing this?”
Kisame looked at it and said, “It is a pretty dress, but how do we know it’ll fit her. We wouldn’t want to make her feel fat by getting her something too big or too small.”
“Good point,” Pein replied. He looked over at Itachi. Pein said, “You and Konan are about the same size. Would you mind-”. Before Pein could finish his sentence the dress burst into black flames.
“Does that answer your question?” Itachi asked.
“A simple ‘no’ would have been adequate,” Pein said.
Kisame then pulled out a little box with a pearl in it. “I got this pearl for a girl I liked after searching through dozens of clams on a beach back in my home village. It’s worth a lot. You can give it to Konan,” Kisame explained.
Pein was dumbstruck. “Thank you very much Kisame,” Pein replied, “Why do you still have it if it was a gift for some girl?”
“Well Samehada got jealous of all the attention I was giving this girl. So he may have swum out and ate her legs. On the bright side a film director saw this attack and Samehada got to star in a horror film. I think it was called, ‘Sharp Teeth’,” Kisame explained.
“Uhm,” Pein replied, “Whatever. Let’s just get back to the base before Konan gets there.”
They managed to get back to the base just minutes before Konan arrived. “I have completed my mission,” She stated.
“Wonderful,” Pein said, “Now I can begin my mission… of love.”
Konan giggled.
“Wow,” Itachi said, “Women really will laugh at anything a man says if she likes him.”
Pein gave a stern look at Itachi before returning his attention to Konan. “I have a special present for you,” Pein said. He began to pull out the box with the pearl in it, but Samehada suddenly jumped from Kisame’s back and ate it.
“Kisame!” Pein yelled.
Kisame jumped on top of Samehada and began wrestling it on the ground. “Working on it sir,” He said.
Suddenly the aroma of cooking meat wafted through the air. “That must be Kakuzu and Hidan with dinner preparations,” Pein stated.
Pein, Konan, and Itachi walked towards the smell, which oddly enough wasn’t coming from the kitchen. After passing through a bush they came across a rather odd site. There was a large Jashin symbol on the ground with a cow’s body being burned in the center of it. Hidan was dancing around it, waving his scythe in the air and making incomprehensible chanting sounds. Kakuzu was sitting on a log nearby, counting the money he made from the returned steaks.
Hidan saw them and waved. “It’ll be ready in about five minutes,” He shouted.
Konan stared at the mutilated cow and held her hand to her mouth. “I think I’m may be sick,” She said.
Pein put his arm around her and gently guided her away from the scene. “Not to worry. I’m sure Itachi will make us something else,” Pein explained.
Itachi nodded and transformed into a flock of crows that flew towards the base. Zetsu emerged from the ground staring at the cow, drooling slightly. “If you guys don’t want the cow then can I have it?” Zetsu asked.
“Yeah sure,” Pein said.
Zetsu smiled at the cow with delight as Pein and Konan headed towards the base. They arrived at the dining room where they discovered several dozen sculptures of themselves, as well as several dozen puppets with musical instruments.
“Well this is…interesting,” Konan said as she and Pein struggled to get through the dining room to the table, bumping into sculptures and puppets along the way. As they sat down, Sasori’s puppets began to play their instruments. The music was so loud that Pein and Konan could not hear each other speak. They attempted to tell Sasori to lower the volume, but he could not hear them.
Sasori and Deidara were observing from a distance. “See brat? My puppet’s performance is vastly outweighing your so called art,” Sasori said. Sasori turned to Deidara and noticed he was shaking and sweating profusely. “What’s wrong with you?” Sasori asked.
Deidara just stared down at his artwork. They were beautiful creations, in his mind pleading with him to blow them up and turn them into true works of art. Unable to hold back, Deidara made the hand seal to trigger their explosion.
Pein noticed this immediately and activated his Shinra Tensei to push the explosives away from him and Konan. Though they were safe, the entire base was engulfed in the explosion. The other Akatsuki members saw this and arrived at the scene. Kakuzu grabbed Deidara by the throat. “Do you have any idea how much time and money must go into repairing this base?”
Konan appeared before them as did Pein. “Konan I am so sorry,” Pein said.
Konan ignored him and said to the others, “How could you all ruin this evening that Pein worked so hard to perfect? You should all be ashamed of yourselves.”
Before they could respond, Pein decided to jump on the opportunity of Konan not knowing he forgot their anniversary. “Yes,” He said, “You should all be very ashamed indeed.” As Konan walked away Pein whispered, “Everybody keeps quiet and everybody gets a bonus. Agreed?”
The Akatsuki members nodded in agreement.
“This mission will take a few hours,” Konan replied, “Want to get me away from the base for a little while?” Konan winked at Pein, but he only looked mildly confused.
“You have lived in the rain village all your life,” Pein said, “It makes sense that you examine the layout of the land.”
“That is true. How convenient that such a mission would occur today of all days,” Konan said as she left, still smiling brightly at Pein.
Pein stood there as Zetsu emerged from the ground next to him. Pein asked, “You have any idea what she is so happy about?”
Zetsu explained, “She thinks you are planning a special surprise for her because today is the anniversary of when you became a couple.”
Pein’s eyes went wide. He remembered the last time he forgot their anniversary and Konan responded by making him eat origami dinners for a week while she had real food. Pein grabbed Zetsu in mid-panic and said, “I can’t have paper cuts on the inside of my stomach again Zetsu. We got to throw something together.” They rushed into the base to gather the other Akatsuki members.
With all the members lined up, Pein explained what they needed to do. “You are all going to help me have a romantic dinner date with Konan. Sasori and Deidara are the artistic ones so they will handle the atmosphere of the date. Itachi and Kisame will help me pick out a present for Konan. Kakuzu and Hidan will handle the cooking; mainly because I don’t want to listen to Kakuzu complain about spending money on a present. Zetsu will be on the lookout in case Konan comes back,” Pein gasped, out of breath.
“Cooking is for bitches,” Hidan complained, “Besides I’m not going to f****** stress out because you’re an ass of a boyfriend.”
Pein grabbed Hidan’s neck and explained, “If any of you don’t help or screw up; I will ‘Shinra Tensei’ you so hard you will end up nothing more than a bloody speck on the face of the moon!” Pein pushed Hidan back and shouted, “Now get to work!” The Akatsuki members scattered in various directions to complete their tasks.
In the dining room, Deidara completed a small clay sculpture of Pein and Konan holding hands as children. “You see Sasori my man. Love, like art, is an explosion of powerful feelings meant to last only for a moment un,” Deidara explained, “So what better representation of Pein and Konan’s love than a temporary sculpture reflecting on a loving moment un?”
“Don’t be ridiculous brat,” Sasori said as Deidara scowled at him. “Love, like art, is an eternal beauty representing the permanent connection between the two beings,” Sasori explains, “This is why my contribution will be one of my puppets playing Pein and Konan’s special song on the violin.”
“Oh please,” Deidara shot back, “Both my art and contribution to the atmosphere are far superior to yours un. Mine is a beautiful sculpture, whereas your contribution is one of your disgusting corpse puppets.”
“Foolish brat. By playing their special song with one of my eternal creations I am symbolizing their eternal love for one another both through the song and the puppet,” Sasori replies, “Your creation is a sculpture of them as children that will eventually blow up. You are essentially saying that their love is a childish crush doomed to explode. Of course I shouldn’t expect much understanding of symbolism from someone who is not a true artist.”
Furious, Deidara grabs more clay from his pouches and begins to create more sculptures as Sasori summons more puppets with instruments.
Meanwhile, Kakuzu and Hidan enter the kitchen to begin preparing the dinner. Kakuzu opens the fridge and pulls out a gallon of milk and a box of cereal from a cabinet. “What the f*** are you making cereal for?” Hidan asked.
Kakuzu replies, “I’m making their romantic dinner. It is the cheapest and easiest thing.”
Hidan shouted, “Cheap and easy isn’t romantic you s***head.”
“Every teenage boy in the world would disagree with you,” Kakuzu replied.
“Well we aren’t cooking for f****** teenagers,” Hidan yelled, “Find something romantic to make you piece of stitched up ragdoll s***.
Kakuzu grumbled and looked inside the fridge and pulled out two steaks. “I guess we will make these expensive things,” Kakuzu said reluctantly.
Hidan gasped and took the steaks out of Kakuzu’s hands. “We can’t feed them these,” Hidan explains, “They are not kosher. The cow has to be sacrificed to Jashin in a purification ritual.”
“Those steaks cost good money,” Kakuzu said, “Pein and Konan aren’t even Jashinists so just hand them over.”
Hidan grabs his scythe and responds, “Look. I can go out and find a damned cow to sacrifice. It’s not f****** difficult.”
Kakuzu was about to argue, but then thought for a moment. If Hidan found a cow and killed it they could make steaks from it for free. He could then return the expensive steaks without Pein knowing and pocket the refund for himself. “Good idea Hidan,” Kakuzu replied deviously, “We wouldn’t want an unholy meal for our good friends.”
Hidan looked stunned and then smiled. He replied, “Thanks Kakuzu. You’re not as much of d*** as I always say you are.” They then left the base to find a cow.
Meanwhile, Kisame, Itachi, and Pein wandered through the market place trying to find a good gift for Konan. “What do you guys think I should get her?” Pein asked, nervously looking from item to item.
“How about getting her some paper bombs? She would get some good use from them and they work well her fighting style involving paper,” Itachi suggested.
Kisame replied, “Gifts for special occasions like this should be about enjoyment Itachi, and showing that you care.”
“Defeating an adversary is quite enjoyable,” Itachi replies, “Helping her to not get killed by an opponent also shows he cares.”
Pein grabbed a blue dress. “She likes the color blue,” Pein said, “Do you think she would enjoy wearing this?”
Kisame looked at it and said, “It is a pretty dress, but how do we know it’ll fit her. We wouldn’t want to make her feel fat by getting her something too big or too small.”
“Good point,” Pein replied. He looked over at Itachi. Pein said, “You and Konan are about the same size. Would you mind-”. Before Pein could finish his sentence the dress burst into black flames.
“Does that answer your question?” Itachi asked.
“A simple ‘no’ would have been adequate,” Pein said.
Kisame then pulled out a little box with a pearl in it. “I got this pearl for a girl I liked after searching through dozens of clams on a beach back in my home village. It’s worth a lot. You can give it to Konan,” Kisame explained.
Pein was dumbstruck. “Thank you very much Kisame,” Pein replied, “Why do you still have it if it was a gift for some girl?”
“Well Samehada got jealous of all the attention I was giving this girl. So he may have swum out and ate her legs. On the bright side a film director saw this attack and Samehada got to star in a horror film. I think it was called, ‘Sharp Teeth’,” Kisame explained.
“Uhm,” Pein replied, “Whatever. Let’s just get back to the base before Konan gets there.”
They managed to get back to the base just minutes before Konan arrived. “I have completed my mission,” She stated.
“Wonderful,” Pein said, “Now I can begin my mission… of love.”
Konan giggled.
“Wow,” Itachi said, “Women really will laugh at anything a man says if she likes him.”
Pein gave a stern look at Itachi before returning his attention to Konan. “I have a special present for you,” Pein said. He began to pull out the box with the pearl in it, but Samehada suddenly jumped from Kisame’s back and ate it.
“Kisame!” Pein yelled.
Kisame jumped on top of Samehada and began wrestling it on the ground. “Working on it sir,” He said.
Suddenly the aroma of cooking meat wafted through the air. “That must be Kakuzu and Hidan with dinner preparations,” Pein stated.
Pein, Konan, and Itachi walked towards the smell, which oddly enough wasn’t coming from the kitchen. After passing through a bush they came across a rather odd site. There was a large Jashin symbol on the ground with a cow’s body being burned in the center of it. Hidan was dancing around it, waving his scythe in the air and making incomprehensible chanting sounds. Kakuzu was sitting on a log nearby, counting the money he made from the returned steaks.
Hidan saw them and waved. “It’ll be ready in about five minutes,” He shouted.
Konan stared at the mutilated cow and held her hand to her mouth. “I think I’m may be sick,” She said.
Pein put his arm around her and gently guided her away from the scene. “Not to worry. I’m sure Itachi will make us something else,” Pein explained.
Itachi nodded and transformed into a flock of crows that flew towards the base. Zetsu emerged from the ground staring at the cow, drooling slightly. “If you guys don’t want the cow then can I have it?” Zetsu asked.
“Yeah sure,” Pein said.
Zetsu smiled at the cow with delight as Pein and Konan headed towards the base. They arrived at the dining room where they discovered several dozen sculptures of themselves, as well as several dozen puppets with musical instruments.
“Well this is…interesting,” Konan said as she and Pein struggled to get through the dining room to the table, bumping into sculptures and puppets along the way. As they sat down, Sasori’s puppets began to play their instruments. The music was so loud that Pein and Konan could not hear each other speak. They attempted to tell Sasori to lower the volume, but he could not hear them.
Sasori and Deidara were observing from a distance. “See brat? My puppet’s performance is vastly outweighing your so called art,” Sasori said. Sasori turned to Deidara and noticed he was shaking and sweating profusely. “What’s wrong with you?” Sasori asked.
Deidara just stared down at his artwork. They were beautiful creations, in his mind pleading with him to blow them up and turn them into true works of art. Unable to hold back, Deidara made the hand seal to trigger their explosion.
Pein noticed this immediately and activated his Shinra Tensei to push the explosives away from him and Konan. Though they were safe, the entire base was engulfed in the explosion. The other Akatsuki members saw this and arrived at the scene. Kakuzu grabbed Deidara by the throat. “Do you have any idea how much time and money must go into repairing this base?”
Konan appeared before them as did Pein. “Konan I am so sorry,” Pein said.
Konan ignored him and said to the others, “How could you all ruin this evening that Pein worked so hard to perfect? You should all be ashamed of yourselves.”
Before they could respond, Pein decided to jump on the opportunity of Konan not knowing he forgot their anniversary. “Yes,” He said, “You should all be very ashamed indeed.” As Konan walked away Pein whispered, “Everybody keeps quiet and everybody gets a bonus. Agreed?”
The Akatsuki members nodded in agreement.
