Advice

answer this question

Advice Question

Please help me, I feel so bad I just need someone to read this and hopefully give me some advice, I feel like I have no one to turn to.

Sorry its long.
Please help me with some advice on this if you have any wise words because I feel so low at the moment.

My cat has been seriously ill for a month, until he died yesterday. Leading up to his death was so awful because I began to realise that he was never going to get better and everyday I watched my happy cat turn slowly into a crying shivering wreck that didn't move. It started when he first began getting blood pouring from his mouth, & I won't explain everything but the end result was that a month later he had heartfailure with 2 liters of water around his heart. He had a major operation 3 days ago & he was crying in pain the whole night afterwards, & it broke my heart because I knew the operation was going to be too much for him & that he wouldn't make it, so yesterday he got so bad he was continuously crying so we had to take him to be put to sleep. and when the vet tried to give him the preparation vaccination before the fatal one, he had a seizure right infront of me out of the stress of it and died in my arms, I saw his last breath and it was the worst moment of my life. My mom was with me and she was really supportive, but when we got home, my mom explained to my dad everything that happened, and he didnt even seem bothered despite loving that cat.
The trouble started when we were watching tv that same evening while mom was in kitchen. This man came on tv with a messy disgusting car or something, & my dad randomly says to me "That's what your car is going to look like- messy, filthy & disgusting like you, because thats how you're going to go through life if you don't sort your life out- have you seen how messy your room is??" and he carried on & on, & I was so shocked that he could say such horrible things an hour after what I'd just been through, that I replied "Dad please just fuck off I SERIOUSLY don't need that right now ok my cat just died just leave me alone." ***(Please continue reading in comment below)***
*
He wouldn't stop, so I just kept saying Fuck you as I ran out of the room so my mom would hear and come in to sort it out. So later on when I thought it was all over and I could get back to coming to terms with the death of my cat in peace, To try to cheer me up my mom rly nicely reminds me about next week when dad is taking me to meet my favorite band which I've been crazy excited about for weeks, its been the only thing keeping me going yesterday when I lost cat, and was trying to think of something brighter. And right there & then, My dad just suddenly says he doesn't feel like going anymore so it's off. I was in absolute shock and felt like I'd just been gutted on the spot. When I asked why, he said it's because I said to him Fuck you. But I know the real reason: it's because he felt threatened I stood up to him because he knows he was in the wrong. I actually couldn't believe it, so I just burst into tears and I realised that everything that had been keeping me going had been taken away, and I felt so ill on top of losing my cat just an hour or so before that I just went to bed, and I couldn't even understand why my dad was being so awful to me- he wasn't there in the vets so he didn't see how emotional and traumatic it was or well I did managing not to break down, or how mentally exhausted I was seeing my cat I've had for 12 years for the very last time. To make everything worse, when I woke up this morning I decided to try to be strong, first thing in the morning dad reminded me about how I wasn't meeting my fave band anymore, and all the momories of yesterday came flooding back, so I decided to try to put a stop to it by going through every gory detail of what I went through yesterday, so he'd understand how fucking wrong he was, and after re-living it all I've just gone back to bed in tears again andn I feel so pathetic. Please can you help me.
Goldilottes posted over a year ago
 Goldilottes posted over a year ago
next question »

Advice Answers

sehdt said:
Ask dad why he said those things might be a start along with an appologie for saying what you did remind him you had just had a shock and that what he said originally was in your opinion uncalled for and nasty and ask if he had feelings for the cat. It may be his way of coping. See how that goes. hope it helps.
 select as best answer
posted over a year ago 
*
Ok thank you so much Xxx
Goldilottes posted over a year ago
Chibi-Baka3 said:
First off, I want to say that I'm sorry about your cat. I know that feeling; I've gone through it too. Maybe not the situations, but the feelings are always mutual.

Remember that your cat isn't in pain anymore, and you don't have to worry about a thing. It's sad, I know, and takes a while to get used to, but soon you'll come to terms with it. Time heals all of the wounds -- it's cliche, sure, but it's true. You learn it from experience, and then you can confidently tell others about it. And when there's someone else that has these feelings in the future, you can tell them about your experiences (if you wish). When you do so, you'll have the great memories of your cat and how wonderful he is now. Like I've said before to others that lost a pet: he's now watching over you. You showed him how wonderful it was to be loved and to be taken care of, and now he has that opportunity to return it.

As for your father, I feel as if he could have said something else. There are jokes, but there is such a thing as "overstepping boundaries". What he said was unnecessary and harmful to you emotionally, especially considering how you lost a family member. You should have a talk with him -- or with your mother in the room if you feel more comfortable that way -- and say how you feel. I have to say that, although I didn't agree with your father's words, it might be better if things were more...composed and thought out. Saying "f*** you" is a bit harsh. Before you get angry about this statement, I know that he hurt your feelings. I have a dad that likes to criticize and nitpick at everything I do and say, so I know what that's like too. But saying things like that won't make it any better. There always has to be (or SHOULD be) one person in the household that is the mature one. They don't always have to acquire wisdom so quickly, because they can make due without.

I hope that this helps. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
 select as best answer
posted over a year ago 
*
Thanks so so much for the really long and thought about answer, it's really helpful Xx Yes I did talk to my mum and dad about it and they said the real reason he's not taking me to see my fave band anymore is that """ etc, and they came up with all the usual excuses, even though I tried to explain myself. Thanks for your advice about my cat and thats made me feel better Xxx
Goldilottes posted over a year ago
*
Well, if they don't seem to want to change their perspectives, I (personally saying) wouldn't continue persistence. If you think that your parents wouldn't get annoyed and make the punishment worse or anything, do what you think will work. Just be careful of wording things and all. It was no problem helping you, and I wish you luck!
Chibi-Baka3 posted over a year ago
taini said:
im sorry about your cat. but think possitive im sure that wherever you cat is he'll want you to be happy. i went thru something like that when one of my dogs died because of a seagure. my advice is go find a friend and pray for your cat. also talk with your dad and sort things out. there is a god up there and he will never stop helping you out. pray to him and remember that he will listen. also here's a positive thought your cat is now your angel's pet and he will help you. try to forget about those aweful memories because you still have life in you and life is too short to be lived with in pain and sadness. the hands of time are never on your side so tell yourself everymorning'i live and im going to live with a smile' i hope this helps. dont be afraid to message me if you need any more advice, im here to help.
 select as best answer
posted over a year ago 
next question »
Cookies help us bring you Fanpop. By using Fanpop, you agree to our use of cookies. Learn More Got It!